Alex I Am Nothing

by Museum Mouth

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This record was written from summer 2012 to spring 2013 when it was recorded over the span of a year in various bedrooms and guest rooms and bathrooms and basements all around NC.


released May 27, 2014

Graham High–guitar
Karl Kuehn–drums, vocals, keyboard, percussion, guitar, bass
Kory Urban–bass, guitar, noise

all words by: Karl Kuehn
except track 7 by Kuehn and Graham High
and track 9 by Kuehn and Kory Urban

Produced by: Karl Kuehn
Mastered by: Bill Henderson



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Museum Mouth Wilmington, North Carolina

Or else you're fitting sad pegs in dead holes and then the kids are crying because the toys are all broke.


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Track Name: Alex Impulse
I remember the first time I saw you
I knew you’d be important
that’s why I wasn’t surprised when
one week later you were in my basement
standing by the lamplight
I swore it looked like you were sacred
I shook your hand, said my name was Karl
then pictured you naked
and then we started talking almost every day
and I admit I thought about you in the worst possible ways
you reassured me that I had gold in my bones
and I didn’t deserve to spend my whole life alone
you told me that I was really something
I guess that’s better than nothing

but Alex I am a moron and we both know it’s true
—i’ll never do what i’m supposed to do
I got fucked up and I misread your signals
—you think i’m evil
so now you’re gone and it’s already through
but if I never would have said these things
or wrote these songs
would I have ever stood a chance with you?
I probably never should have said these things.
Track Name: Drool
I fell asleep in the guest room
and I had a dream about you
and when I woke up I felt so wretched
I think it was the first time you made me feel sick
you make me feel sick
I fell asleep in the guest room
and I woke up covered in my own drool
and at first I admit, I was embarrassed
but i’m starting to think you would have liked it

you’re all I want to do
it’s sad but god it’s so true
you’re all I want to do
and I hate that I can’t have you.
Track Name: Strange
I know it’s strange but
I could stare at you all day
so maybe moving in might be
the worst decision that i’ve ever made
because i’m not one for being let down
and i’m starting to really like you
—wanna keep you around
so i’ll try to keep my mind from wandering
to thoughts of you and me
specifically the ones between the sheets
because those are a pipe dream
and they’ll never amount to anything
except a chorus of broken words
now i’m digging my own grave
—i’m digging a hole
and that’s more than I can afford
because it’s out of my control

I have never been
so completely obsessed with
so completely in love with
someone or something
that I can’t have
goddamn I want it so bad

now all my friends tell me
that I could do better
so I consulted the universe and it said
we couldn’t be together
but still I ignore all reference
holding out for the slightest chance
that I could change your preference

disappointed, disillusioned with my own fate
I never thought I could make such a grave mistake
but now i’ve got you in and close to me and I feel sick
because I know that you’ll never lay a hand on my dick
goddamn I want you so bad.
Track Name: Just Friends
I just want to get you into my room
I promise I won’t try to kiss you
cuz you haven’t left my mind since
we first met eyes
—twin fire signs
and I just need to know that something
as perfect as this
can exist here in this setting
where I waste away all of my days

dumb, drunk, and dreaming
I know my actions are misleading
but I would rather die inside than spend
one more night as just friends.
Track Name: Handsome and Boring
Looks like I finally got him
—it’s about damn time
but I can’t tell is this real life
or the life in mind?
cuz I know fate has a strange way
—it always works out
and i’ve said it before
I hate to be let down
oh he’s the one that I sought
he’s one hell of a guy
and I can’t shake these thoughts
no matter how hard I try
cuz he is handsome and boring
but I like that
cuz i’m conflicted and crazy
—it’s the perfect contrast
he plays piano and far cry 3

I always wanted the quarterback
but fell for the nerd
president of the chess club
he knows every word
to all of OK Computer by Radiohead
god he’s so fucking perfect
i’m dreaming or I must be dead

so I won’t open my eyes
and I won’t say goodbye
i’m gonna savor the moment
—gonna sleep through the night
cuz if I wake up tomorrow
he won’t be by my side
no it’s back to reality
—why am I alive?
he likes my band and he loves Morrissey

he’s the one that I sought
he’s one hell of a guy
and I can’t shake these thoughts
no matter how hard I try
cuz he is handsome and boring
but I like that
cuz i’m conflicted and crazy
it’s the perfect contrast
he probably thinks that i’m something
but i’m actually nothing
—i’m not.
Track Name: Saltwater
I wouldn’t be surprised
if you thought I was out
playing the field
and getting all the guys
who weren’t you
but on a night like tonight
you couldn’t be less right
no i’m avoiding being social
listening to The Con
stoic and misserable per usual
could I find someone else?
who am I if i’m not myself?
because the fact of the matter is you and I
are clearly both deprived
and though we’re flawed we’re not the same
if i’m the idiot I think you’re insane

you say that you don’t care at all
then you call me cuz you wanna talk
but i’m sleeping all my dread away
i’m not like you
—at least not today

if everyone’s out having fun
then I guess i’m doing it all wrong
and if every living thing dies alone
then I guess i’m good to go.
Track Name: Crocodile
Well, i’m not about to waste my twenties
like my stupid misspent youth
so cut to the chase
let’s get to the facts, c’mon man
you’ve gotta tell me the truth
because you know that I think you’re so cute
but this distance and this disinterest
—that’s something i’m not into

i'm just a modest guy
with some modest dreams
who wants a modest guy
to come and share a bed with me

so is it so hard to figure out that
I don’t need your doubts
I need a friend
or something kinda permanent
to keep me humble
to keep me sane
to keep me out of my own way
The Smiths never changed my life
but baby you just might

ya know just last week
you had me going so crazy
I forgot all my favorite bands
and that’s the last thing I want, man
you stop and ask yourself
—is this the real me?
is it someone else?
or is there even such a thing?
is that so hard to understand?
Track Name: Nickels and Dimes
Am I obsessed?
I don’t think i’m obsessed
i’m just a naive wishful thinker
who’s been hoping for the best
I’ve got a crush on you
it’s nothing more
I could take it or leave it
just point me towards the door

so what happens now?
and what am I doing here?

can you take a hint?
yeah I can take a hint
especially when it’s obvious not understated
you love a girl, I get it
that’s the point you’re making
—i hear it loud and clear

looks like i’m shit out of luck
but frankly I give no fucks
looks like i’m shit out of luck
but I don’t give a fuck

I would have never wasted those nickels and dimes
if I didn’t expect that they’d buy time
I would have never wasted those nickels and dimes
if I could have just known i’d never make you mine.
Track Name: Sacred
I appreciate the gesture
but I don’t really like your tone
your antipathy left this scabbed knee
now i’d rather be left alone
cuz my hands are useful
more so than your skull

you’re not the one
you aren’t like me
you’ll never be the one
you aren’t like me

don’t tell me you wanna die
cuz I can’t see the point
no dinner and drinks
just a couch and tv
where you whine about your aching joints
well, my hands are useful
more so than your skull

nothing is sacred
no, nothing is sacred anymore.
Track Name: Alex Decider
Oh of course leave it to me
to forget you exist until this party
when it’s obvious that all I need
is someone like you
to be the ground beneath my feet

but you don’t take the time to think about those things
when your thoughts aren’t rooted in reality
and you don’t take the time to think about those things
Alex decider, those bleached teeth are getting to me

I guess I should have been the bigger man
cuz my only regret was not holding your hand
in the back of that minivan
but hey I got your number
—so I guess I had a plan

you realize you were wasting your time
in a situation you don’t feel divine
a brief moment of clarity
recalls a time and place when you were happy
so you lay it out
—weigh the pros and cons
analyze what you’ve been doing wrong
you find something you like
and then you move on with your life.