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Alex I Am Nothing

by Museum Mouth

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1.
Alex Impulse 03:21
I remember the first time I saw you I knew you’d be important that’s why I wasn’t surprised when one week later you were in my basement standing by the lamplight I swore it looked like you were sacred I shook your hand, said my name was Karl then pictured you naked and then we started talking almost every day and I admit I thought about you in the worst possible ways you reassured me that I had gold in my bones and I didn’t deserve to spend my whole life alone you told me that I was really something I guess that’s better than nothing but Alex I am a moron and we both know it’s true —i’ll never do what i’m supposed to do I got fucked up and I misread your signals —you think i’m evil so now you’re gone and it’s already through but if I never would have said these things or wrote these songs would I have ever stood a chance with you? I probably never should have said these things.
2.
Drool 02:16
I fell asleep in the guest room and I had a dream about you and when I woke up I felt so wretched I think it was the first time you made me feel sick you make me feel sick I fell asleep in the guest room and I woke up covered in my own drool and at first I admit, I was embarrassed but i’m starting to think you would have liked it you’re all I want to do it’s sad but god it’s so true you’re all I want to do and I hate that I can’t have you.
3.
Strange 04:34
I know it’s strange but I could stare at you all day so maybe moving in might be the worst decision that i’ve ever made because i’m not one for being let down and i’m starting to really like you —wanna keep you around so i’ll try to keep my mind from wandering to thoughts of you and me specifically the ones between the sheets because those are a pipe dream and they’ll never amount to anything except a chorus of broken words now i’m digging my own grave —i’m digging a hole and that’s more than I can afford because it’s out of my control I have never been so completely obsessed with so completely in love with someone or something that I can’t have goddamn I want it so bad now all my friends tell me that I could do better so I consulted the universe and it said we couldn’t be together but still I ignore all reference holding out for the slightest chance that I could change your preference disappointed, disillusioned with my own fate I never thought I could make such a grave mistake but now i’ve got you in and close to me and I feel sick because I know that you’ll never lay a hand on my dick goddamn I want you so bad.
4.
Just Friends 02:16
I just want to get you into my room I promise I won’t try to kiss you cuz you haven’t left my mind since we first met eyes —twin fire signs and I just need to know that something as perfect as this can exist here in this setting where I waste away all of my days dumb, drunk, and dreaming I know my actions are misleading but I would rather die inside than spend one more night as just friends.
5.
Looks like I finally got him —it’s about damn time but I can’t tell is this real life or the life in mind? cuz I know fate has a strange way —it always works out and i’ve said it before I hate to be let down oh he’s the one that I sought he’s one hell of a guy and I can’t shake these thoughts no matter how hard I try cuz he is handsome and boring but I like that cuz i’m conflicted and crazy —it’s the perfect contrast he plays piano and far cry 3 I always wanted the quarterback but fell for the nerd president of the chess club he knows every word to all of OK Computer by Radiohead god he’s so fucking perfect i’m dreaming or I must be dead so I won’t open my eyes and I won’t say goodbye i’m gonna savor the moment —gonna sleep through the night cuz if I wake up tomorrow he won’t be by my side no it’s back to reality —why am I alive? he likes my band and he loves Morrissey he’s the one that I sought he’s one hell of a guy and I can’t shake these thoughts no matter how hard I try cuz he is handsome and boring but I like that cuz i’m conflicted and crazy it’s the perfect contrast he probably thinks that i’m something but i’m actually nothing —i’m not.
6.
Saltwater 03:15
I wouldn’t be surprised if you thought I was out playing the field and getting all the guys who weren’t you but on a night like tonight you couldn’t be less right no i’m avoiding being social listening to The Con stoic and misserable per usual could I find someone else? who am I if i’m not myself? because the fact of the matter is you and I are clearly both deprived and though we’re flawed we’re not the same if i’m the idiot I think you’re insane you say that you don’t care at all then you call me cuz you wanna talk but i’m sleeping all my dread away i’m not like you —at least not today if everyone’s out having fun then I guess i’m doing it all wrong and if every living thing dies alone then I guess i’m good to go.
7.
Crocodile 02:55
Well, i’m not about to waste my twenties like my stupid misspent youth so cut to the chase let’s get to the facts, c’mon man you’ve gotta tell me the truth because you know that I think you’re so cute but this distance and this disinterest —that’s something i’m not into i'm just a modest guy with some modest dreams who wants a modest guy to come and share a bed with me so is it so hard to figure out that I don’t need your doubts I need a friend or something kinda permanent to keep me humble to keep me sane to keep me out of my own way The Smiths never changed my life but baby you just might ya know just last week you had me going so crazy I forgot all my favorite bands and that’s the last thing I want, man you stop and ask yourself —is this the real me? is it someone else? or is there even such a thing? is that so hard to understand?
8.
Am I obsessed? I don’t think i’m obsessed i’m just a naive wishful thinker who’s been hoping for the best I’ve got a crush on you it’s nothing more I could take it or leave it just point me towards the door so what happens now? and what am I doing here? can you take a hint? yeah I can take a hint especially when it’s obvious not understated you love a girl, I get it that’s the point you’re making —i hear it loud and clear looks like i’m shit out of luck but frankly I give no fucks looks like i’m shit out of luck but I don’t give a fuck I would have never wasted those nickels and dimes if I didn’t expect that they’d buy time I would have never wasted those nickels and dimes if I could have just known i’d never make you mine.
9.
Sacred 03:15
I appreciate the gesture but I don’t really like your tone your antipathy left this scabbed knee now i’d rather be left alone cuz my hands are useful more so than your skull you’re not the one you aren’t like me you’ll never be the one you aren’t like me don’t tell me you wanna die cuz I can’t see the point no dinner and drinks just a couch and tv where you whine about your aching joints well, my hands are useful more so than your skull nothing is sacred no, nothing is sacred anymore.
10.
Alex Decider 03:50
Oh of course leave it to me to forget you exist until this party when it’s obvious that all I need is someone like you to be the ground beneath my feet but you don’t take the time to think about those things when your thoughts aren’t rooted in reality and you don’t take the time to think about those things Alex decider, those bleached teeth are getting to me I guess I should have been the bigger man cuz my only regret was not holding your hand in the back of that minivan but hey I got your number —so I guess I had a plan you realize you were wasting your time in a situation you don’t feel divine a brief moment of clarity recalls a time and place when you were happy so you lay it out —weigh the pros and cons analyze what you’ve been doing wrong you find something you like and then you move on with your life.

about

***BUY IT ON VINYL FROM SELF AWARE RECORDS HERE: bit.ly/1kFZ4M1***

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This record was written from summer 2012 to spring 2013 when it was recorded over the span of a year in various bedrooms and guest rooms and bathrooms and basements all around NC.

credits

released May 27, 2014

Graham High–guitar
Karl Kuehn–drums, vocals, keyboard, percussion, guitar, bass
Kory Urban–bass, guitar, noise

all words by: Karl Kuehn
except track 7 by Kuehn and Graham High
and track 9 by Kuehn and Kory Urban

Produced by: Karl Kuehn
Mastered by: Bill Henderson

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Museum Mouth Wilmington, North Carolina

Or else you're fitting sad pegs in dead holes and then the kids are crying because the toys are all broke.

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